Sanctuary: wintersong

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

wintersong

we're on our way back. it's a grey, sad grey and cold day. not for you both but for me, i still smile my way through it all, only until we catch the train back. i rest my head on your shoulder.

'what happened'

'nothing i'm just tired'

'no you look depressed'

'oh God, don't be silly, i'm just tired. these shoes are killing me'

you go back to looking through all the pictures in my camera, pointing out how funny that one is, how funny this one is.
i feel the urge to start screaming and crying because i just have to do it. i need to get it out, though it'll change nothing. but they are people here, i'm not alone. they are strange faces and strange eyes that do not understand, they do not wish to understand, it's not their job. so i close my eyes and try to sleep for a while, with my head still on your shoulder.

we get of at 36th and say goodbye to our little high-schooler.

'what the hell is wrong with you'

'nothingggg, i'm just tired'

'shut up and tell me already'

i tell you. in random order, i don't make any sense and i tell you. but you understand and finally i feel like there is some common ground, like finally somebody understands, after two years of living in this concrete mess, this place that is nothing like home i turn to you and you listen. soon you get off at your stop and ask me to call you. and we both know i won't call. you leave, and i play my winter song. and last years november comes alive. you get off two stops earlier than i do. but the last train stop is mine, mine to keep. i know the people there, who greet me with warm smiles, everyday. i walk in shoes that are killing me but you gave them to me and they're pretty. the sound that they make, echo through the entire station, everyone turns to see me walk, and i hate the look. i wish the shoes were quieter, but you say fashion must make a statement, must make noise, must make people look. and so i walk with my look, and i walk with the noise. i walk home blank, cause my feet know the way.

i come home, and it's colder than the outside. it starts to rain and i wish for snow flurries.

snow please, even though this year i don't want winter. just snow.

thank you for today. these have been a long 4 weeks.

natasha took a picture at 5:21 PM | walking around in circles (2)

2 Comments:

don't know why tasha I can relate sumhow....
I love reading ur thoughts I simply luvv em!!!

By lizzie, 11/24/2006 1:56 AM

Are you bald yet?

By The Surreptitious Fabric, 11/24/2006 7:39 AM

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

wintersong

2 Comments: